"Watch Your Language!"

 “Watch your language, young man [or young lady]!” Did your mother ever scold you with these words after hearing you utter an expletive or speak disrespectfully? This was her way of reminding you, very emphatically, that this kind of language was inappropriate and that you needed to be careful of the words coming from your mouth. This exhortation would be a good thing for each of us to remember when talking about mental health, mental illness, or suicide.

A few months ago I live streamed a Mass for the feast of St. Dymphna, who is the patron saint of those who struggle with their mental health. The priest, Fr. Charlie, addressed the issue of language in his excellent homily.

Fr. Charlie said that oftentimes when he speaks to someone who has a diagnosed mental illness, they will say things like, “I am bipolar,” or “I am psychotic.” This is the way our society tends to speak about people with a particular illness, so those who are sick will often begin to identify themselves by their illness.

When Fr. Charlie speaks to these people, he stresses that they are not their illness and that they should not define themselves that way. He says that God desires to free them from this identity lie, so he has them pray over and over again, “I am a beloved [son/daughter] of God.” That’s how God sees them, and that’s how we should see them too.

When you speak about someone who has a diagnosed mental illness, it’s best to say, “John has bipolar disorder,” or “Mary has episodes of psychosis,” rather than, “John is bipolar,” or “Mary is psychotic.” Their diagnosis is just one small part of who they are, so don’t identify them by their illness. After all, if you had cancer, would you want someone focusing on your illness?

Another language problem in our society has to do with suicide. When someone dies by suicide, you will most often hear that they “committed” suicide. Think, though, about the word, “committed.” It’s a word that is often associated with evil things, like committing a crime or committing a sin.

 If you say that someone “committed” suicide, therefore, the implication may be that they did something evil or were themselves evil. The truth, however, is that their death may have been the result of mental illness, an illness which can be just as deadly as cancer or heart disease. It is best, therefore, to say that someone “died by” suicide, just as you might say that someone died by cancer.

Also, when someone survives a suicide attempt, their survival is often referred to as a “failed” suicide, implying that their survival was not a good thing. In the same way, saying that someone succeeded at suicide implies that it was a good thing. Therefore, when talking about suicide, it’s best to say that someone attempted suicide if they survived or died by suicide if they didn’t.

These are just a few examples of the labels that might cause a person with mental illness to hide his struggle. If we all work together, though, we can help to end the stigma associated with mental illness. The next time you’re tempted to use one of these labels, remember your mother, and watch your language!